He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
