Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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