eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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