They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
