dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
