she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
