so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize