fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
