I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
