You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
