were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
