doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
