Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
