ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
