Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
