we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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