At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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