i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
