You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
