shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
