i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
