i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
