I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
