Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
