I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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