Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
