I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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