Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
