Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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