I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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