i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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