I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
