I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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