im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
