Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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