He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
