my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
