She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
