you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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