I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
