Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
