It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
