I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
