Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
