you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
