I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
