remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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