i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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