I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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