dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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