Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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