my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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