This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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