tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
