Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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