I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
