Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
