alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
