how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
