i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
