He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
