it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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