YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
