Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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