I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
