If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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