High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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