i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
