The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
