you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
