my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
