So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
