He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
