I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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