I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
