were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
