break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
