Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
