Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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