smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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