I cannot find my penis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
